


life and times of the gremlin squad

by would_u_like_apples_or_bees



Series: Gremlin Squad AU [1]
Category: Milo Murphy's Law, Phineas and Ferb, Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension (2011)
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Human, Aromantic Asexual Perry the Platypus, Candace shows Perry memes, Gen, He also has no nostrils, How Do I Tag, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), I'll tag as I go, I'm Bad At Tagging, Isabella kicks ass, Let Ferb Say Fuck, Milo Murphy is a Ray of Sunshine, Milo Murphy says Gay Rights, Perry: depressed; stressed; but still well dressed, Phineas Flynn is a Ray of Sunshine, Rodney is a Fool and a Coward and Isabella is gonna Fuck Him Up, Rodrigo and Johnny have Big Simp Energy and I stand by that, Vanessa is peak sword lesbian energy, We're just gonna ignore that Carl is canonically a furry, agent t didn't die for this u heathens, ao3 uses the wrong acronym for owca so i'm pissed, how did i fucking forget that one, i'm a disgrace honestly, if you stan monobrow you probably shouldn't read this, ngl I kinda shit on major monogram, perry has panicked gay energy and it shows, snazzy boi, uwu, why is Carl Karl such a cursed entity, why isn't that a pre-existing tag you cowards, yes he wears a waistcoat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23673190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/would_u_like_apples_or_bees/pseuds/would_u_like_apples_or_bees
Summary: You think they'd really just let them go without a fight? You fools, you absolute heathens.The Gremlin Squad is here, and they're gonna run this agency, whether Monobrow likes it or not
Series: Gremlin Squad AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704589
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	life and times of the gremlin squad

Perry waved as his doppelgänger disappeared through the portal, supported by the alternate forms of his kids (he never realized how white they could be, god). He turned back to his boys, only to see the eager face of Phineas (sweet, sweet Phineas; he shouldn’t have had to fight like this why did this have to happen _why couldn’t he protect his boys–_ ) looking up at him.

“Wow Uncle Perry! That was awesome! Hey, now that we know you’re a secret agent we can have so much fun together!” No, please, Phineas, that’s not how it works, _please don’t make me tell you-_

“Er, yes, the next fifteen or so minutes should be a real hoot,” wow, where did Monobrow come from? Wait, isn’t it the agent’s job to explain to their family about the situation?

“What?” Phineas' voice cracked a little as he uttered the word that absolutely shattered Perry’s inner composure. What was that meme Candace had shown him? ‘You can see the exact moment when his heart breaks’? Something like that. If this was a movie, the audience would most definitely have that moment watching this little exchange.

“Now that Agent P has had his cover blown,” _and wow he really underestimated the amount of hatred he would feel for those words if the time came,_ “he’ll have to be moved to a new location. In fact, all of our agents will have to be transferred now.” The moustached bastard stepped aside to reveal his colleagues standing in the background. Oh god, Pinky looked like he was gonna hurl. Perry was gonna punch someone. 

You know, universe, when Perry said he didn’t want to have to tell his kids, he meant for you to send someone like, oh, say, Lyla? Someone who actually has at least some _tact_ when dealing with the younger generation of humanity? Not _Francis mcfucking Monogram,_ who has probably felt emotion about four (4) times in his life and probably watches manly man sitcoms from the 50’s in his spare time.

Perry’s rich and extremely self-deprecating internal monologue was interrupted by an inexplicably disorienting but not at all unwelcome exclamation from little Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, the girl with the cute but tough level of beef jerky in a ballgown.

“BULLSHIT!” Oh no.

Perry was not expecting that. No one expected that. Oh god, Vivian was going to _kill him_.

“I’m sorry?” Monogram asked, looking like he felt a mere fraction of the pure devastation and shock that Perry felt. Pinky looked equally as devastated, and vaguely murderous. Perry knew that he should have taken Lyla up on that eulogy offer during that last mission. Oh well. He tried to remember the last time he updated his will.

“I said bullshit,” Isabella said firmly, and _wow_ , Perry, in all his years of secret agent preparedness, _really_ hadn’t expected to die this early. Well, at least not from _this_. “‘Agent P’ and the rest of your team wouldn’t have survived half as long as they did without our help. And besides, _who the hell are you to take our family away?_ ”

“Yeah,” shouted Candace, seemingly emboldened by Isabella’s vaguely vulgar declaration. “Uncle Perry isn’t going anywhere! He’s family, and we don’t leave family behind!” Monogram frowned.

“You do realize he isn’t even biologically your uncle,” and _oh no he is_ **_not_ ** _doing that-_

“That may be true, but he is, biologically, mine, and I say fuck off.”

Perry turned back towards the kids to see Ferb standing, his face appearing as nonplussed as usual, holding- wait a minute.

**_How the hell did Ferb get a PCKM - 17, a gun that is only available to about 4 agents on the entire continent of North America?_ **

Perry turned sharply towards the only two other clearance carrying agents in the area, only to see Pinky looking equally as shocked, with a hand on his definitely full holster, as well as Peter holding his with a- wait. Why did Peter look _sheepish?_

“Daedalus?” Monogram asked, looking absolutely floored. Well, that made at least three of them. Wait.

Daedalus, as in _Daedalus, the alpha weapon supplier for the entirety of OWCA?_

“What the heck,” Pinky asked, and if that ain’t a mood– “Are you saying that you not only didn’t know the identity of your main supplier for deadly frickin’ weapons, but you also hired a frickin' _12-year-old_ for that purpose?”

“I-” Monobrow? Speechless? Perry never thought he’d live to see the day. Ferb waved his free hand (the hand that wasn’t currently holding a _gun,_ nonetheless a gun that he had apparently _designed and made by himself, what the **fuck–**_ )

“Relax, Pinky,” Pinky did not, in fact, relax. In reality, the words seem to make him shake even harder. It was like watching Phineas after five to six hours of invention deprivation. Not fun. “The Major here never actually managed my transactions. It was deemed to be too dangerous if another Danville resident knew of my position as a supplier. The higher-ups had a senior agent from one of the agency’s other branches handle transactions and logistics.” Okay, that made sense. If only in the barest sense. But if Ferb had performed transactions with foreign agents, then why weren’t there more records of agents from other branches coming and going through Danville? The only agent from another branch of OWCA that he’d seen in the last year was- wait.

As if confirming the sense of dread growing in Perry’s gut, Ferb nodded his head at the lineup of agents and stated, “Mr. Orso is rather excellent with business etiquette.”

Awkward silence fell over the group as everyone turned to see Peter shrugging sheepishly.

A silence that was quickly broken by the sound of Perry’s scream as he launched himself at the other agent, hands reaching for his throat.

**Author's Note:**

> *to be continued music* heh  
> if you wanna join the discord server that inspired me to make this, the link is https://discord.gg/sRCUJRZ! don't be a stranger!


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